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Monday, December 12, 2005
Nibs comes to grip with the reality that she's been sending mixed singals to the guy next door...

Anyone who has followed this blogsite for the past year is well aware that I have a wicked crush on my neighbor, whom I refer to as Mr. Blower-Offer (MBO).  We’ve been out a few times, and I’ve had a great time every time we’ve gone out, but somehow the evening always ends in some kind of disappointment.  Additionally, he’s been really great about offering to get together, and then has limited “follow-through” on his offer.

 

So, I demoted him to “neighbor” status and decided that I’d rather keep him around as a friend than lose him altogether.  Honestly, I thought this feeling was mutual, so it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

 

He invited me out several times to see this local band play, but I’ve declined every time as I didn’t want to get my hopes up only to be let down.  Typical Nibs. 

 

So last week he invited me to see a guy play an acoustic set at a local bar.  Mind you, there were like 24 names on the list – Foxy and I joked that I at least got the “honorable mention” and that perhaps I should just suck it up and go.  It was a Thursday night, and nobody else was able to join me, so I went. 

 

MBO, of course, looked adorable.  The guy singing was fantastic, the friends were all incredibly cool – it was a great night!  One of the friends kept telling MBO how smart and funny and great I was – the guy was totally plugging me the whole night.  But did Mr. Clueless get it?  NO. 

 

By midnight, all of the friends had checked out.  MBO and I stuck it out for a little bit – he said he had to babysit his artist (the guy is on his label) – so we sat and chatted for a bit.  By 1:15 , MBO did the “whoa, look at the time thing” and I took that as my cue to leave, and frankly, I wasn’t getting any kind of vibe that he was into me.  What I’d really REALLY wanted to do was make out like school kids and have a really good reason to be late for work the next day.  What really happened is that he walked me to my car I gave him a quick hug and got in my car (to be fair, it was freezing).  To say I was disappointed would be an understatement, but at the same time, I was finally coming to grips with the fact that MBO and I were just neighbors.  Nothing more.

 

So, we exchanged a few emails during the past week, all very shallow and silly, until he finally asked me out for a drink on Friday.  No problem.  I can have a drink with my very friendly neighbor.  The emailing back and forth continued, and his tone started to get a little frisky - totally different message than the one I was getting just a week ago, which was a little stoic and distant.  Of course, at this point I was thoroughly confused and decided that it was time to just spill my heart out and make my case.  So I told him everything.  I explained to him that I really like him, and that he brings out my very sassy side, and that there is something about him that lights a little fire inside of me every time I see him.  I explained that I am completely frustrated that he keeps pushing me to the side, but that I continue to persevere because I hope that maybe one day things will change.  I anxiously awaited the reply, wondering if I’d even get one.

 

And then I saw the reply in my inbox…

When I opened the email, I was completely surprised.  Seems he’s not been the only one sending mixed signals.  See, the night in the parking lot when he walked me to my car – well, it turns out that he went to kiss me but I turned my cheek.  And after playing this over in my mind, I realize that he’s absolutely right.  I totally did.  God, I am a dumbass. 

 

So, I rewind to our previous encounter – the one where we’re making out like schoolkids outside my condo gate.  I am perfectly poised to invite him up and “for a nightcap,” but I say something like, “I’d invite you up, but I think we’d get ourselves in all sorts of trouble.”  Of course, he agrees with this statement, so I psych myself out and say something about how late it is and bid him farewell.  Again, can you say DUMBASS?

 

<<banging my head against the wall>>  STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID

 

And it dawned on me that when there is something that I really, really want, I convince myself that I can’t have it and just subconsciously push it away.  I guess I’d rather avoid it altogether than get rejected.  Horrible defense mechanism to have, really.

 

So, we continued to exchange emails throughout the afternoon – each message solidifying the fact that we probably have a lot more in common that we previously thought, and both of us saying in plain English that we really just like each other.  I swear, it was the biggest breakthrough since space travel. 

 

And it turns out that the friend that was totally plugging me (the night we went to see the band) said something to him along the lines of, “So, what’s wrong with her?” which MBO says is basically his friend saying, “she’s cute and smart and funny and you’re an asshole for not asking her out.”  Gotta love the friend!  So, MBO says that the friend didn’t even know we were on a date that night, and I mention that I think that’s pretty funny because even I didn’t know we were on a date that night.  I mean, I was on an email list with 23 other people, for chrissakes! 

 

That said, MBO came up with a brilliant suggestion: stay in for tomorrow’s date instead of going out - take some time to get to know each other where there isn’t the pretension of a Midtown bar or interruption from other patrons.  How could I argue with that suggestion? 

 

So, wish me luck with this one (although I don’t think I’m going to need it), and I’ll keep my fingers crossed that my neighbor has more than just an obsession with the girl next door…

 


Posted at 08:36 pm by Nibbles72

 

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